Trumplethinskin Whining About Twitter’s Trending Topics Now Because This Is Hell

Weep, gnash, for Dear Leader had a moment of displeasure Monday evening.


Trump is so stupid he thinks human beings are picking out the “trending topics,” and of course they must be picking mean things about him. And this is not only unfair and ridiculous, but totally “ILLEGAL.” And if you don’t believe it’s a crime, well then you must not have read all the laws like Trump read the laws. It’s right next to Obamagate, which is the biggest crime. (Creating mean Twitter trending topics about Trump is the second biggest crime, we guess.)

The third biggest crime is the crime Trump whined about just before that:

Oh, Donald. He still thinks he created a new law. He did not. He thinks the existing laws all say MINIMUM TEN YEARS IN PRISON. They do not. He thinks we’re impressed when he says, “Person. Woman. Man … Camera … TV!”

We are not.

Because he’s so presidential, Trump spent the rest of Monday night bellyaching his tears to his imaginary friends on Twitter. He retweeted the garbage about the trending topics, because it was so intelligent the first time.

He retweeted, and then retweeted, more desperate bullshit about protesters in Portland and Seattle, because of course he did:

Yeah, you betcha, the markets will crash and the cities will burn, just like they did when Barack Obama and Joe Biden created the economy Donald Trump took credit for, until Trump’s pandemic destroyed the economy. Fuck off, buddy.

And of course, because this is actually the world we live in, Donald Trump late last night retweeted a viral video largely focusing on a Houston doctor named Stella Immanuel, who you’ll be hearing a WHOLE LOT MORE about in the coming hours and days. She just became a doctor in November, she’s really into the hydroxychloroquine quack cure for coronavirus Trump loves so much, she doesn’t believe in masks, and according to this report in the Daily Beast, she believes a LOT of humanity’s problems are because of the demon sperm:

In her sermon, Immanuel offers a sort of demonology of “nephilim,” the biblical characters she claims exist as demonic spirits and lust after dream sex with humans, causing all matter of real health problems and financial ruin. Immanuel [says] real-life ailments such as fibroids and cysts stem from the demonic sperm after demon dream sex, an activity she claims affects “many women.”

OK. There is so, so much more. We are just really touching the tip of the demon sperm iceberg right now, TBH.

The thing Trump retweeted has been taken down by Twitter, and by Facebook.

He was on a hydroxy-tear last night, though. Once he was done with his other grievances, it was ALL HYDROXY ALL THE TIME.

Trump retweeted a thing from noted pandemic expert “Biobiobiobio,” about how awesome Hydroxybonercream 3000 is:

And from noted batshit Fox News Michael Flynn lawyer Sidney Powell, about how awesome Hydroxybonercream 3000 is:

Steve Bannon’s ham radio pandemic show about how awesome Hydroxybonercream 3000 is? Sure why not.

Twitter pandemic expert scientist “LittleMsOpinion,” about how awesome Hydroxybonercream 3000 is? Yeah OK.

You get the idea.

We just wanted you to know that this is what Donald Trump is worried about right now.

Record-breaking coronavirus hospitalizations and deaths? Well, he’s kiiiiiinda halfway worried about that right now, because he found out some red state white people might be also getting it. Whatcha think all those scientific Hydroxybonercream 3000 tweets above are? That is him being CONCERNED.

John Lewis lying in state in the US Capitol yesterday and today? He couldn’t be bothered.

Trending topics on Twitter doing Deep State Russia hoaxes to him? YES YES YES YES YES YES, THAT IS THE IMPORTANT THING.

For the record, these were the top trending topics shown on Wonkette’s Twitter account last night, when we were writing this post:

Hahahahahaha, he probably saw “trumplethinskin” and it made him cry all night. That sad fuckin’ loser baby.

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